5 Things To Consider Before Posting On Linkedin

Six years ago, when I logged onto Linkedin, I had one clear mission and one larger question, which was: how can I inspire 1,000,000 people on this platform.

What happened next was definitely not expected but openly embraced.

I posted a quote.

Nothing quite groundbreaking but something from my heart vs. my head.

A few hours later, I came back to my post to find over a hundred likes and a dozen or so comments. Was it a fluke, or did I actually strike a chord with someone on the other end?

The only way to know for sure would be a rinse and repeat the following day. Wouldn’t you know it, the same thing happened again. As they say, twice is a coincidence but three times is a pattern so I wrote something the following day and posted it online.

Much to my surprise, the same people were liking, commenting and sending me personal notes of inspiration and thanks. I knew in that moment I had found my vehicle.

Time to drive.

As of today, I have hit roughly 937,300 likes (roughly speaking) based solely on my posts which are often accompanied by quotes I created.

For more help with making LinkedIn successful:


To say I am delighted would be a massive understatement. I am also, humbled, honored, inspired, excited and the list goes on.

Here are my 5 questions for anyone considering whether or not to post something on Linkedin.

  1. What are you trying to achieve as an outcome?
  2. Is Linkedin the correct platform for your message?
  3. What do you have at stake by posting?
  4. Is what you wish to post aligned with your brand and who you are?
  5. Can you stand by what you post?

My personal journey has been filled with numerous highs, as well as some lows. The highs come in the form of personal messages from people expressing how I have helped their day, life or moment of perspective while supporting them helping them create a more fulfilled life.

The lows have come in the form of haters, people looking to discredit my work, individuals claiming I plagiarized or am acting against the will of religion.

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It only feels right that I leave you with some quotes to inspire you to take action:
  • You will never know what you are capable of doing unless you begin.
  • A toe in the water is not the same as swimming.
  • Every expert started as a beginner.

The floor is yours: What message would you like to leave for the world?

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

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With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

Time Lost Cannot Be Regained. Here's Why You Should Care.

Time Lost Cannot Be Regained. Here’s Why You Should Care.

The other day, my youngest whose almost three, strolled up next to me as I was working and said, “Dada, look at what I made!” with a cute and excited voice. I immediately replied, “one second, I am just sending out an email (as if he knew, or cared what that was).”

No sooner did I reply, when my son started to say again, “look…look Dada…you aren’t looking”.

“One second I said, I promise” as I struggled to get this email out.

“Dada…Dada…Dada…give me your eyes,” he said as I then suddenly stopped everything and gave him my undivided attention. His face lit up with joy as he showed me what he had drawn, after which he was content and went off to play.

The irony here is that my three-year-old doesn’t know time (yet) but he actually waited one second before asking me again, and again and…well you get the idea.

  • The question is: “Why did it take so long” for me to be present?
  • The answer is: I got my priorities backward. I did what most people do, assume we have more time to make someone else wait or that the moment will wait for us.

The reality is that it won’t.

Time is the most precious commodity and we waste so much of it each and every day, missing out on the moments we may never get back.

Stop thinking you have all the time in the world, you don’t. You can’t recycle wasted time.

You may be surprised how much can happen in just one second, I know I was:

  • A bee will flap its wings over 270 times.
  • Over 2,000 pounds of edible food is thrown away in the U.S.A.
  • Six babies are born every second around the world.
  • 41,000+ status updates are posted to Facebook.
  • Americans consume 1,500 bottles of water.
  • Lightning will strike the ground 100 times.
  • Bill Gates will earn $250+ every single second.
  • 8,341,666,667 Hearts will beat worldwide
  • 2,437,859 Emails will be sent
  • Earth will travel 18.5 miles.

As many of us recently moved our clocks forward, I couldn’t help hearing the panicked cries about losing an hour of sleep, but if you really think about it, you haven’t lost anything. You still get the same 24hrs in the day or 86,400 seconds, and that’s exactly 86,400 chances to connect with those you care about personally and professionally.

For some tools to help with time freedom:

The next time your employee, spouse, partner, child, mentee, family member or friend asks you for a second of your time, think about the moment you may miss creating with that special someone by telling them to “wait a second”.

The floor is yours: You have 86,400 chances to make your time worth living. What will you do with yours?

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

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With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

Why Being Too Happy Is Bad For Your Career

Being happy may have worked out well for Bobby McFerrin, but that doesn’t mean you should walk around with a “fake it until you make it” mentality.

In life, there are definitely things that we overindulge on that we probably shouldn’t, such as alcohol consumption, working out, social media, Netflix and of course eating raw cookie dough – but what about happiness?

Is it possible to overindulge on being happy?

The short answer is yes.

According to one recent article, too much cheerfulness can actually make you selfish, gullible and potentially less successful. I don’t know about you, but my smile just shrunk a bit. The article clearly compares happiness to food which really makes sense:

Although necessary and beneficial, too much food can cause problems; likewise, happiness can lead to bad outcomes. “Research indicates that very high levels of positive feelings predict risk-taking behaviors, excess alcohol and drug consumption, binge eating, and may lead us to neglect threats.”

We can all thank Shakespeare for coining this now popular phrase “too much of a good thing” from his 15th century play “As You Like It”, but regardless of the century – we find ourselves at the crossroads of a world that’s designed around abundance…including cookie dough.

For help pushing yourself through stagnation:

We live in a 24/7/365 supersized world that forces us to overindulge on everything from technology to food. It’s hard to escape, but not impossible. Studies have shown that too many choices drive us to feel worse and that people who “maximize”—trying to make the best possible choice from a wide range of options—experience greater depression, perfectionism and self-doubt.

What about at work, could too much “happy” in the workplace be a bad thing?

I recently finished the incredible book The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self–Not Just Your “Good” Self–Drives Success and Fulfillment where it states that happiness can indeed hurt your performance. It’s true that a positive culture and work environment boost happiness (ie: Google, Facebook, and Linkedin to name a few), however, there is a downside to all the perks. Studies have shown:

Happy people care less about details, which makes them less persuasive and prone to errors.
Happy people are more likely to recall false facts because they are focused on the bigger picture which lacks important details.

Joyful people might be greater managers, where they are accountable for executing a company strategy, whereas a less happy person could make a great head of quality management, where details are the most critical component.

If you think you’ll just “fake it until you make it” in the workplace, then you would be wrong.

According to the founder of the Emotion Machine, the “emotional labor”, it takes to pretend to be in a good mood can actually be very taxing on your physical and mental well-being, and thereby backfire on our overall happiness. The research reiterates what we previously discussed:

Another meta-analysis of over 3 decades of research found that faking positive feelings at work was associated with lower employee satisfaction and increased job burnout.

A third study published in Anxiety, Stress, and Coping found that volunteers at a call center who were told to “hide negative emotions” had greater increases in blood pressure and heart rate than those told to show their true feelings.

A recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology has found that hiding the “real you” at work can hurt motivation and productivity.
It’s not all doom and gloom.

There are a few ways both employees and employers can help balance the happy quotient.

Companies should aspire to create environments that support cultures where employee’s feel they can express themselves freely while being responsible and productive. This opportunity allows for that emotional release (both good and bad) to be aired out and addressed in real time. In the end, if you (the employee) isn’t happy at your current company or in your current role, then consider looking for something else.

Final thoughts: Grant yourself permission to feel less than positive from time to time. Embrace the negative emotions you have as they are critical to balancing the positive ones. Being ridiculously happy all the time is both unrealistic and rarely sustainable. You aren’t going to be Matthieu Ricard, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

The Floor Is Yours: Are you too happy or just too ehh? Take this quiz

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With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

The Real Reasons Your 2019 Commitments Won’t Last

In a world that appears to be heavily divided at times, it’s comforting to know that regardless of your race, religion, or political views, we’re most likely all going to fail together on our 2019 commitments before Valentine’s Day even hits. Not exactly the storybook ending you hoped for, but the harsh reality nonetheless. Read more

3 Reasons Your Company Has A Weak Coaching Culture

Leaders don’t listen.

There, I said it.

Okay, maybe not all leaders – but many of them are guilty of being overworked, under developed and lacking adequate time management skills, which as a result doesn’t allow them take the time to truly listen to their people resulting in some bad habits as a people manager.

So why is this important?

As a coach, you must be able to stay present, engage others through powerful questions and then wait long enough for a response from the other individual. Coaching is not about being right or knowing the answer, it’s about guiding the other person to the place where they can discover the answer on their own. Coaching is not about giving direction, leading the witness or bullying the other person into action.

If a leader doesn’t feel equipped with the necessary skills or training to do this, you won’t be creating a coaching culture…but rather a demanding one.

I’ve been writing about coaching for almost as long as I have been a coach and if there’s one thing I have witnessed, it’s the rise and fall of coaching cultures within organizations. It’s no secret that many companies want to create an empowering and impactful coaching culture but the odds of its success are not always clearly outlined. Last year, in my article “A Coaching Culture: Why Leaders Struggle As Coaches (Part 3)” I wrote about what it takes for an organization to seriously consider building out a coaching culture and the strategic work that’s involved, now I want to discuss “why” it isn’t working out (or working out as well as you would hope).

If you are one of the few organizations whose been trying to stand up a successful coaching culture and has experienced more failures than successes, don’t give up just yet. Although giving up may be the easiest of options, it’s worth first diagnosing what’s blocking your success.

Unfortunately, the decision to create such a culture can stem from a variety of places none of which are ideal if the goal is to create a successful coaching culture. Often times, the directive comes from the top down and the person or persons responsible for carrying out this initiative are either ill-equipped, ill-educated or ill-advised on how to execute effectively.

What comes next is something I have witnessed firsthand and all too often.

An organization sends a group of their pre-selected leaders to a workshop to learn a variation of one of the basic coaching models (usually called GROW) and then expect them to walk away prepared to coach anyone and anywhere. This is both fundamentally wrong and a disaster just waiting to happen. Organizations need to view this type of project like any other change initiative, using a systematic and strategic approach that’s been thought out well in advance and mapped to both a broader vision around the company’s talent development philosophy and roadmap.

“Changing culture is not as easy as changing your outfit”

Some basic questions organizations should consider before embarking on creating a coaching culture:

  • Why do we need this?
  • What specifically are we looking to achieve?
  • How will we know we were successful?
  • How do we know we’ve selected the right group of coaches?

Only  11% of senior leaders actively use coaching despite  70% of organizations claiming they coach their people

Here are three common reasons many organizations fail when it comes to successfully standing up a coaching culture:

The Framework Is Weak. Just as you can’t train anyone to be a coach if they aren’t interested in being one, you also can’t throw any coaching model into an organization and hope it sticks. GROW is widely used as the go-to model for many companies looking to train the trainer or introduce coaching within their functions and culture. The reason is obvious, it’s easy to understand and in theory apply but that’s where it falls apart. More times than not, the tool is introduced with the majority of time spent on what it is vs. how to use it. Having any model with little to no direction on its application renders it useless and potential harmful to others. It’s called coaching, not modeling. The coach is responsible for supporting the other individual’s growth and change, not the model. A good (or even great coach) will be able to see the potential in any model and decide how and when to apply it.

The Coach Is Weak. If your leaders training isn’t great, then don’t expect greatness from your leaders. Common challenges for coaches (at any level) right out of the gate is a common lack of presence. Being present is everything as a coach, and from there is where you (the coach) can actually go to work. When a coach isn’t properly trained, they are going to rely on what it’s comfortable and familiar which is typically the opposite of coaching. I see managers all the time with the best of intentions of actually looking to coach but in reality they are directing, giving advice or sometimes consulting. Coaching isn’t a check mark in a box, it’s a commitment to another person’s greatness to ensure they’re in check.

The Accountability Is Weak. I always tell my clients that the true value of the coaching work we do will come the moment the session ends and you go back to your life and apply what you learned. The same holds true in the workplace. The leader/manager’s duty as a coach doesn’t end when the session ends, in fact that’s when it begins. Holding your coachee/employee accountable to what was covered in the session, discovered through conversation and committed to before the next session is critical. People who receive coaching are usually lacking follow through (amongst some other common blind spots) and the best way to aid another person’s accountability is to demonstrate your own. Being accountable to your employee is about owning your integrity. You can’t expect someone else to follow through if you don’t.

Note: These two reports from HCI and the ICF “Building a coaching culture with millennial leaders” and “Building a coaching culture for change management” are both insightful and packed with incredible data.

The floor is yours: How important is coaching to your companies’ culture?

With Leadership,

Joshua | www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller is an executive coach, creative leader and bestselling author. His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies. Joshua is a Master Certified Coach trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

Please ‘Follow’ if you would like to hear more from me in the future.

25-WAYS-TO-GET-MORE-DONE-IN-THE-WORKPLACE

25 WAYS TO GET MORE DONE IN THE WORKPLACE

One of the most popular and frequently overused phrases around time management is ‘Work smarter not harder’.

The reality is that we all have the same 24 hours in the day. The truth is, it’s your relationship to those 24 hours that will dictate the level and list of your daily accomplishments especially in the workplace. The good news is that to get more done at work also means you have more time for others aspects of your life so you can live a balanced and happy life.

Here are 25 Productivity Hacks to start working towards that balance.

  1. Touch inbox items only once.

    – This one is difficult for most people, but it really makes a difference. For new email or other communications, look over it and decide what to do with it right away: archive, respond, flag for follow-up, etc. Regardless of how you process communications, just make sure you deal with them once rather than wasting time by looking at them without taking decisive action.

  2. Hire someone.

    – Sometimes it makes more sense to hire someone to do something (if applicable), especially if your time is worth more money than you’re paying that person.  Anything where doing it yourself isn’t cost-effective, consider an assistant or intern for additional support.

  3. Write things down.

    – Nobody’s memory is perfect.  If you don’t take notes and setup to-do lists for yourself you will end up wasting several minutes of time every day trying to remember things that would have taken you seconds to write down. These minutes add up fast.

  4. Stop mindlessly browsing online.

    – Web browsing is one of the immense black holes in time spending.  Before you realize it, you may have spent hours browsing while generating very little value. Limit your online adventures to your lunchtime when and/if applicable.

  5. Ask more questions.

    – The trial and error process can be a huge waste of time.  Often people view asking questions and relying on others as a weakness, but they are sadly mistaken.  Asking legitimate questions will bring you closer to the people around you and likely save you a huge chunk of time.  A Win-win.

  6. Handle 2-minute tasks immediately.

    – “The 2 Minute Rule” is a common and great concept (cited in the book “Getting Things Done”).  If you roughly estimate that a task is going to take you less than two minutes to accomplish, do it right now.  It’s a waste of time and energy to keep small tasks like this on your to-do list and renting space in the back of your mind.

  7. Productively use waiting time.

    – Waiting time does not have to be wasted time.  When you are waiting for a meeting to start either on the phone or in person, think about what simple tasks could you complete while you wait?  How about sorting through and replying to emails or reviewing/ editing your to-do lists, etc.

  8. Organize your space.

    – How much time do you think the average person wastefully spends searching for items they’ve misplaced? The answer is a lot. Keeping both your living and working spaces organized will undoubtedly allow you get more done.

  9. Plan ahead and start early.

    – 10 minutes of dedicated time planning each evening will save you from 30 minutes of ad-hoc preparation each morning.  Likewise, starting your morning on purpose 30 minutes early will likely inject at least 60 additional productive minutes into your day.  Think about it and practice it.

  10. Eliminate all distractions for a set time.

    – Distractions are everywhere.  They arrive via email, cell phone, coworker inquiry, etc. Cutting out all distractions for a set time is one of the most effective ways to get things done in less time.  Find a quiet place to retreat to when you know your workload and deadlines are time sensitive.

  11. Pay attention and get it right the first time.

    – The better listener you are, the more you will learn.  The more you learn now, the fewer questions you will have later, and the less time you will spend searching for answers.

  12. Use technology to automate tasks.

    – From creating email filters to automatically backing-up your hard drive.  The more you automate, the more you can get done without with the same level of effort.  Just remember to ensure that what you automate has some form of checklist involved to avoid only having a human go back and have to redo the original task.

  13. Pick-up the phone.

    – We’ve become so accustomed to communicating digitally, sending emails, IM’s and texts, etc. that we forget we can get some tasks accomplished in a fraction of the time with one or two quick phone calls.

  14. Create and refer to a TO-DON’T list.

    – A to-don’t is a list of things not to do.  It might sound funny, but it’s useful for keeping track of unproductive habits, like playing online games, checking Facebook, etc.

  15. Focus on high impact tasks.

    – Figure out what will have the greatest impact today, and make sure you address the most important stuff first.  Don’t get caught up in odd jobs, even those that seem urgent, unless they are also important.

  16. Do what you don’t want to do first.

    – If you handle the toughest tasks first when your mind is fresh, you’ll get done quicker and make the rest of the day more enjoyable.

  17. Group similar tasks back-to-back.

    – Switching gears between different types of tasks can be tough.  It takes most people several minutes to get into a productive mental groove geared for a specific type of task.  Therefore, it makes sense to group similar tasks in an effort to minimize the number of rough patches, and thus wasted time, between task orders.

  18. Make better usage of commute times.

    – Listen to audiobooks, make calls, do some proactive time planning, etc.  There are many programs out there to capture tons of ideas and thoughts while commuting and traveling to the office and walking around the office.

  19. Exercise daily.

    – I know it sounds counter-intuitive.  You have to spend time exercising.  But exercise boosts cognitive function, creativity, problem-solving and productivity.  In fact, a NASA study showed employees who exercised daily worked at 100% efficiency after seven hours, while those who didn’t saw a 50% drop, meaning it took them twice as long to accomplish the same thing.

  20. Just say NO!


    While saying yes can take us down some wonderful roads, there’s also a ton of value in saying “no.”  We’re only given a certain amount of hours in our lives; do you really want to give yours away so easily?  If you don’t have to time to commit to a new project, complete a favor, or sit in on another meeting, it’s a good idea to just say “no.” Start with “no, not now but…” and then make a counteroffer.

    The goal is to create some space and boundaries for you while not alienating others.

  21. Use time multipliers.– Effective delegation of lower priority tasks is a time multiplier.  Eliminating time wasting activities is a time multiplier.  Screening phone calls is a time multiplier.  By practicing creative procrastination on anything that doesn’t propel you toward your goals can multiply the amount of time you have to achieve those goals.
  22. Focus your attention on one thing at a time.– Sounds obvious but we all suffer from the shiny object syndrome. Cutting out multitasking leaves you to focus more intently on one task and finish it to completion, rather than having many tasks started and nothing finished.
  23. Create productivity triggers for yourself.– You need to create triggers to help you out.  A simple example would be packing your gym bag the night before to keep you from having an excuse not to go to the gym.  Or put the books you need to take back to the office in front of the door, so you can’t leave the house without seeing them and remembering they need to be returned.
  24. Avoid meetings.– Not all meetings are a waste of time, but some can be.  If you frequently spend time in meetings, but would rather be doing your actual work instead of listening to other people talk about things they could have sent you in an email, see if your attendance is mandatory for those meetings.  Just make sure you use that time wisely if you get a pass.
  25. Practice the 80/20 rule.– Generally speaking, the 80/20 Rule states that 80% of our results come from 20% our actual work, and conversely, that we spend most of our energy doing things that aren’t important.  Figure out what that 20% is comprised of and focus as much of your energy as you can on it.
  26. If you liked this and want to increase your productivity I recommend reading:


Final Thought:

Don’t confuse being busy with being productive.

– Stop and ask yourself if what you’re working on is worth the effort.  Is it bringing you in the same direction as your goals?  I am aware that there are hundreds of tips and hacks to becoming more productive in the workplace but the above twenty-five hit upon all the topics needed to win back your day and hopefully win over your boss.

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

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With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

self-worth

4 Ways You Undermine Your Self-Worth

We all want to be there for our friends, family and colleagues but what happens when you start putting the needs of others in place of your own?

The answer is simple, you self-worth suffers and you become depleted.

That’s the problem with putting other people first, you’ve taught them that you come second. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be there for those you care about, but it is a thoughtful reminder that you can’t be there for others if you don’t take care of yourself first and that requires knowing your true value.

Understanding your self-worth could be one of the most puzzling journeys you will ever face but it’s well worth the time. Let’s begin with demystifying what I believe many people conflate, which is the definition of self-worth:

  • Self-worth comes from knowing that you are enough, just as you are. You are inherently worthy, and you don’t need anyone else’s approval. Self-worth takes into account not only how we feel about ourselves, via identity and self-value, but also how we feel about the manner in which we interact with the world around us, through our boundary setting and management of emotions.

Then of course we have self-esteem and self-confidence which are also different from self-worth but often linked together. Here’s the actual breakdown:

  • Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself overall; how much esteem, or self-love you have develops from experiences and situations that shaped how you view yourself today.
  • Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. I may have healthy self-esteem, but low confidence about situations outside your comfort zone and similarly, you can do something outside your comfort zone and feel lousy about your execution or performance.

Here are four common ways you undermine your self-worth and how you can stop:

  1. You say sorry when you don’t need to. Apologizing excessively, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong is one of the quickest ways to sink your self-worth. Your apologies automatically tell others that you think you are responsible for the issue. Unnecessary apologies can also send a message that you’d rather be agreeable than be honest. Overtime, this pattern of behavior will allow others to overlook you and your opinions. Here are 5 different but potentially powerful solutions.
  2. You say yes when you mean to say no. Individuals who often say yes to anyone or anything fall under the term “people pleaser” which for many is not a good thing. Their concern for how they will be perceived if they let someone down rules them. People-pleasers yearn for outside validation and their “personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on receiving the approval of others. Here are 6 ways to turn your yes into a no by Lolly Daskal.
  3. You focus only on your shortcomings. Call it the glass half-empty syndrome where people love to focus on what’s missing versus what they still have. Most people spend their lives obsessing over minor imperfections and ignoring the immense talent that they possess. Regardless of the neuroscience to back up why focusing on our weaknesses creates undo stress and overload, we are still prone to devalue even our greatest achievements in life. Here are 5 ways to face your weaknesses and regain your strengths.
  4. You don’t set clear boundaries. Having, setting and communicating your physical and emotional boundaries is critical to both living a happy, healthy and honorable life. This applies to everyone regarding anything. The number one cause for relationships to fail is stress, and the cause of the stress is due to a lack of communication. Knowing who you are, what you want, and what you won’t tolerate is critical. Here is an excellent 6 Step Process to get you started.

***

Final thoughts: Last year, I wrote an article called 7 Benefits From Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone and in it I layout the importance of pushing yourself each day outside of what feels comfortable in service of your own growth and happiness. Only when we you are willing to become comfortable with being uncomfortable can change and growth really take place.

The floor is yours: What’s one common way people undermine their self-worth?

With leadership, Joshua | www.JoshHMiller.com | “I Call Bullshit: Live Your Life, Not Someone Else’s

7 THINGS TO GIVE OTHERS WHEN YOU’RE RUNNING ON EMPTY

WHEN YOU’RE RUNNING ON EMPTY

We’re all running on empty from time to time, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a little left to give. Just as a car can keep going when it hits E (for empty), so can you.

The challenge lies in what we believe we can provide and of course what we “assume” others expect from us.

Often times we freeze at the thought of giving someone something because it’s attached to a dollar amount or price tag. Since we all have money hang-ups the size of Godzilla, it’s easy to see why we aren’t always quick to think of other solutions. Sometimes the answers aren’t as complex as we believe. Some don’t require a penny. In fact, a little insight matched with intent maybe all you need.

The insight is around the other person’s needs, while the intent is about you acting on it. It’s easy to have grand ideas – especially ones about giving to others but the follow-through can be muddied by one’s own personal interest and ego. Putting the other person’s needs at the forefront, especially when you feel you have nothing to give, is a sign of selflessness.

When you’re being selfless, you’re thinking of other people before yourself. If you give time, money, or things to other people without expecting something in return, that’s selfless.

For a bit of perspective on truly “running on empty” I recommend reading Running on Empty: An Ultramarathoner’s Story of Love, Loss, and a Record-Setting Run Across America  by Marshall Ulrich.

Here are seven ways you can brighten someone’s day without spending a dime.

Give Appreciation. Expressing gratitude to someone for the things that they do for you can make them feel appreciated. This single act can restore someone’s belief system that they are welcomed and needed. It can also potentially building strong relationships and a greater sense of trust.

Give A Smile.

A genuine smile has a sincere way of both conveying and promoting kindness, happiness, and trustworthiness. These qualities may be what the other person needs in order to open up to you. The act of smiling activates neural messaging that benefits your health and happiness. For starters, smiling activates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress.

Give Laughter.

Making someone laugh causes people to disarm their emotions and relax. Laughing instantly reduces the levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline) and dopamine. Meanwhile, it increases the production of serotonin and endorphins which reduce the effects of stress.

Give Your Presence.

Most people listen to reply instead of understanding leaving a chasm of confusion and mistrust. Being fully present with another person is invaluable. It provides something money could never buy…respect. When people feel respected, they are more likely to be open and transparent.

Give Encouragement.

When you provide support, confidence or hope – you may just be giving someone that little extra push they need to get by or accomplish some objective. Consider it’s a spark that can motivate someone to take just one small step which in return may be the biggest step of their life.

Give Your Time. Often times we need the help of others but are too afraid to ask for it. Resist watching someone struggle or wait to be asked. Simply offer up your time in service of someone else’s needs. They say time is money. Well if that’s true, giving someone yours would be worth its weight in gold.

Give Them Space.

Not passing judgment on another person is almost (if not) impossible simply due to how our brains are hardwired. Science aside, not vocalizing what could only be construed as an insult and instead opting for silence, sympathy or even empathy as an alternative. Watching someone struggle or in pain is never easy but often times it’s needed so the person can begin both the healing and learning process.

Final thoughts: Happiness begets happiness. Numerous studies have shown that people who are happier tend to be healthier, less stressed and more physical. It doesn’t take much to pay it forward. Making someone else happy simply boils down to authentically choosing to put someone else’s needs as a priority regardless of expecting anything in return or how you may look in the process.

The floor is yours: Have you ever given, without expecting anything in return – what happened?

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

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With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

 

Keep your mouth shut

WHEN YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Keep your mouth shut if it could start a fight.

Does someone snare you into an unwinnable verbal duel? It affords the person some type of gratification of acting out argumentative tendencies. Get into the ring… It’s virtually guaranteed that a TKO will go down

I.E stooping to their level is already an embarrassment.

Mark Twain said, “Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level. Then beat you with experience.” Someone already tempted you into replying?

Cut your losses. Call it quits.

They’re begging you on to keep participating in foolishness. These strategies are best ignored. Especially if they’re merely being argumentative to feel superior.

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Earnest Hemingway

Work on your own awareness of workplace conflicts with some recommended reading from Amazon.

Keep your mouth shut if it would make you seem defensive or closed-minded.

Someone is offering you constructive criticism. It’s essential to put your ego aside. Carefully evaluate the legitimacy of the feedback. It’s better to remain quiet. Listen attentively. Only then give a response (if at all).

If you agree with their unfavorable appraisal or not, it’s in your best interest to open-mindedly consider it. You might be reluctant to hear it. What they say might be potentially beneficial.

Resist the immediate impulse to defend yourself. You will miss out on a valuable opportunity to learn something important about yourself.

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. – Epictetus

Keep your mouth shut if it would only further intensify someone’s anger.

It’s useless to respond to someone who is too fired up to listen. Any response will be premature. A response is likely to be experienced as an interruption. You don’t want to seem as though you’re not really listening. If there’s to be any hope of ultimately resolving the situation, it’s essential to devote your attention to hear the person out. Allow them to fully air their grievances. Only then, they might be open to hearing your viewpoint.

A closed mouth catches no flies. – Miguel de Cervantes

Keep your mouth shut if it would only intensify your own anger.

Following your impulse to attack a person who just upset you is only likely to exacerbate things. Emotions are best kept at moderate levels. When they start to become really pronounced, your better judgment can be severely compromised. You can react in ways you’ll later regret. Better to hold your tongue. Do whatever you can to remove yourself from that situation. Remember, “never make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.”

One’s eyes are what one is, one’s mouth is what one becomes. – John Galsworthy

Keep your mouth shut if it would likely offend someone.

You want to avoid offending someone without having any realistic possibility either of resolving the situation or improving the relationship. If you genuinely care about the other individual, then there is no good reason to put them on the defense. You especially don’t want to cause this with a coworker or loved one. If you believe that this would fall under “feedback” then I would have you ask yourself, “what am I looking to communicate about this person performance? How can I construct this feedback based on their tasks/skills, not emotions or personality?”

The reality is that everyone is different.

Some people are kind, loyal, and supportive. They can also quick to take offense. Some are highly reactive to criticism. Other people’s rigidity makes it virtually impossible for them to appreciate a differing viewpoint. If an individual says or does something that bothers you, it’s generally best to overlook it. Find a way to resolve your immediate frustrations with them rather than confronting them directly.

“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

[interact id=”5b97c86710e74b0014bd0c88″ type=”quiz”]

With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).

 

5-WAYS-YOURE-HOLDING-YOURSELF-BACK-FROM-SUCCESS-1

Holding Yourself Back From Success

Success is not always easy, fair or a walk in the park as someone once noted.

The reality is that success is filled with numerous challenges as well as opportunities for growth and possibility. So how can you level the playing field and create more ease, fairness and turn that walk in the park one you will look forward to?

Let’s start with the obvious common denominator which is you.

We don’t want to always look inward as to what’s not working but with all the unknowns that surprise us every day – take solace in knowing you can do something about it.

Instead of blaming external circumstances – lets look at how we sabotage our own success and happiness. Here are 5 of the most common ways we derail our own lives.

“Comparison is the thief of joy”
– Theodore Roosevelt

Comparison

I wrote about this in a previous article. Comparing ourselves to others is a slippery slope – especially when we usually know less than the full story of facts. Comparison always includes judging. If the result turns out unfavorable for us, it’s easy to think of ourselves as a failure. Society has us constantly measuring ourselves to what we see on tv or online – a vision of the unreal. Aspiring to follow a trend or measure our self and worth against something fake is a lose-lose.

Instead try this: Take stock on who you are and what strengths you have that has brought you this far. Create a list of all your accomplishment and don’t stop until you feel you have exhausted all avenues. If you get stuck, ask five friends or colleagues – the key is to collect new and empowering evidence of who you and how great you are.

For more reading on how to stop derailing your own life I recommend:


 

“Self-confidence is not taught or learned; it is earned by surpassing your own self-limitations”
– John Raynolds

Self-doubt

Self-doubt can be one of the most powerful drivers in life – unfortunately many times it’s force is to strong to control and we are overtaken with our insecurities and beliefs about how we aren’t able to measure up in times of need. Embracing potential failure is part of the road to success (look at my article “Leadership Lessons: 20 Famous People Who Failed At First) but giving up is unacceptable. It’s okay to pause and reflect as a stepping stone to move forward. Just make sure your pause doesn’t become permanent.

Instead try this: Don’t think about why you can’t, but how, and what you need in order to succeed. What’s one action you could take right now? – no matter how small. Direct your energy towards learning to accept yourself, and appreciate what you have accomplished already. List your achievements and name everything, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

 

“Holding on to the past means you can never be open to having a future” – Laurann Dohner

Holding on to the past

I love the expression, “when the past calls, let it go to voicemail as it has nothing new to say” – this is so true. The past is the past and although there are times we love to remember the good ol’ days – there are many days that may not have been so good and our brains aren’t the best at filtering out our highlights from our lowlights. No matter what we do, we can’t change it. Everyone has emotional baggage to carry, but the crucial factor is what we do with it: Are we willing to learn and move on, or are we going to dwell on it and consider being unhappy our fate? The choice is truly yours.

Instead try this: Don’t regard the past as a burden or a happy time gone forever, instead look to it as a motivation to make things better and a stepping stone towards something bigger and better. And, above all, forgive yourself for past mistakes. Forgiveness is necessary for self-healing.
 

 

“It’s impossible,” said pride.
“It’s risky,” said experience.
“It’s pointless,” said reason.
“Give it a try,” whispered the heart.
– Unknown

Fear of the unknown

Life is full of surprises and that’s what makes life…um…life. People are always seeking for the meaning of life while others are busy living it. Change is a constant and only possible if you’re not afraid of what might be coming your way. You always have a choice if you “choose” to see and take it. Life is trial and error.

Instead try this: Embrace the unknown and find solace in that no one knows everything or what’s coming their way. Your brain will try to protect you while your heart can ignite you. Ignite your passion and emotions around what’s possible in the state of unknown.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”
– Thomas Edison

Fear of failure

If you believe you can’t do something, you will always prove yourself right. Winning at a losing pace is not sustainable for success or happiness. Failure is always a possibility when taking on a new venture. With each try, you can learn how to improve as well as a new skill. Eventually, if you keep at it – you are going to succeed. If you’re willing to embrace failure as a valuable experience to learn from, you will come out a winner every time.

Instead try this: Be gentle with yourself and recognize you may be taking on something you have never done before. Set yourself up for success but doing your homework on the task at hand and make sure you have a support system in place sufficient to achieve your goals.

 

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence” – Vine Lombardi

Perfectionism

A mentor of mine once told me to strive for excellence and skip perfection as that is one target that will always be moving. I never understood what she meant until later in life. Perfection has a way of seducing you into lining your ducks up in a row before taking action when in fact – once you do that (if you can at all) the time has come and gone to take the necessary action. There will always be room for edits, revisions, rewrites, and iterations – it will never be perfect. At some point, though, you have to stop and trust that it’s good enough.

Instead try this: Before going down the rabbit hole of version 2.0+, get the input of some trusted advisors. Soliciting feedback can be scary but it can also be the necessary step needed to move yourself and your task closer to completion and dare I say “perfection.”

Have an extra 2 minutes to discover more about yourself? Take the quiz to find out if you’re happy or comfortable.

[interact id=”5b97c86710e74b0014bd0c88″ type=”quiz”]

With Leadership,
Joshua
www.JoshHMiller.com

Joshua Miller

Joshua Miller is a creative leader and impactful executive coach.

His career spans both the advertising world and the world of leadership. In advertising, he was the creative lead, responsible for the campaign strategy for Fortune 100 brands. Today, he is an innovator. He’s supporting the executive development and change management for many of the same companies.

Joshua studied at Syracuse University, NYU and Stanford. He combines that background with his deep knowledge of organizational behavior, performance and change management. He focuses on the analysis, design, development, delivery, and evaluation of scalable and global talent development solutions programs.

Joshua is a Master Certified Coach. He trained with the International Coaching Federation and CTI (The Coaches Training Institute).