All of us experience negative thoughts from time to time. However some people tend to dwell longer in this state of victimhood while others take less time to stop, reflect, address and move on.

So what creates this unhappiness?

The short and less scientific answer is your attitude, beliefs—the way you explain the world to yourself. In short, your behavioral choices. According to University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky:

“40 percent of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change.”

Multiple studies have revealed how chronic negative attitudes can impact not only one’s health but more specifically their overall happiness and well-being. How we manage our negative attitudes can make the difference between confidence over fear, hope over despair and of course happiness over sadness.

Below are eight attitudes of people who are always unhappy:

1. SELF-DEFEATING TALK 
   Self-defeating talk are messages we send to ourselves which reduce our confidence, diminish our performance, lower our potential, and ultimately sabotage our success. Common self-defeating talk includes sentence beginnings such as:

   “I can’t…”
   “I’m not good enough…”
   “I’m not confident …”
   “I don’t have what it takes…”
   “I’m going to fail…”

   Bottom line: You wouldn’t like it if someone told you that “you can’t succeed,” “you’re not good enough,” “you lack confidence,” “you don’t have what it takes,” or “you’re going to fail?” so don’t speak to yourself in that manner. Engaging in habitual self-defeating talk is puts you down all day long. You become your worst enemy and detractor. Instead, notice the words and phrases you choose and begin replacing bankrupt language with more empowering and positive words.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “5 Ways You Are Holding Yourself Back From Success” http://bit.ly/1Lq05Ec

2. NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS 
   Presuming the negative in everyone and every outcome is common place for unhappy people. They aren’t just a glass half full person but rather “why didn’t they give me a clean cup” type of person. For many people, this attitude is habitual and automatic. The situations can be triggered by a range of things like being stuck in traffic, waiting on line, or an overcast day. Of course, there’s nothing inherently positive or negative about traffic, or bad weather. As the saying goes, “it is what it is.” It’s the way you choose to relate to your circumstances that makes the experience positive or negative.

   Bottom line: Given the same situations a happier person, might look at a crowded commute as a chance to listen to relaxing music or practice mindful breathing; a gloomy day as an occasion to stay at home and read a good book or catch up on some projects. It’s all in how you choose to relate to the moment. Instead, try shifting your perception and looking for the opportunity disguised as a breakdown or challenge.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “45 Things You Should Give Up Today To Live A Happier Life” http://bit.ly/1RwKzcf

3. NEGATIVE COMPARISON WITH OTHERS
   One of the easiest and most common ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We all do it from time to time and unfortunately many of us set our watches to it. Unhappy people typically We compare themselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money, or boast a stronger social media game with more friends and likes. The end results is that you are left feeling jealous and wishing to have what someone else “appears” to have.

   Bottom line: The research indicates that constant negative social comparisons can lead to greater stress, anxiety and even depression. Try this, take a break from your social media if you find yourself getting lost in negative thought and begin to focus and journal on your own accomplishments no matter how small they may appear.
   
   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People”  http://bit.ly/1ILk6WJ

4. DWELLING ABOUT THE PAST 
   We should all learn from the past, but never be stuck in it. Sometimes life circumstances and personal setbacks can haunt and prevent us from seeing our true potential and recognizing new opportunities. What has already happened we cannot change, but what is yet to happen we can shape and influence.

   Bottom line: At times the first step is simply to break from the past and declare that it is you, not your history, who’s in charge. Goethe reminds us: “Nothing is worth more than this day.” Instead, acknowledge the past and look for the lesson it has bestowed upon you then look forward to the present and move on in that moment.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “5 Reasons Leaders Should Embrace Failure” http://bit.ly/1RwIBsl

5. DISEMPOWERING BELIEFS ABOUT DIFFICULT PEOPLE 
   Most of us encounter difficult people in our lives. In the face of such challenging individuals, it’s tempting to believe that they are the perpetrators and we are the victims, or that they hold the power with their challenging behavior.

   Bottom line: This type of attitude, even if justified, is reactive and thus self-weakening. The next time you’re dealing with a difficult type of person there are many skills and strategies you can utilize to stay on top of the situation. Instead, shift from being reactive to proactive by avoiding these type of people and interactions when possible. This can take many shapes and forms.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “11 Ways To Handle Toxic Personalities At Work” http://bit.ly/1K6HRqT

6. PLAYING THE BLAME GAME
   Playing this game only holds yourself hostage from happiness. Although, blame can be defined as one person holding another responsible for our unhappiness. Unhappy people have a long list of people to blame for their misfortunes ranging from their parents, friends, money and genetics. While it’s certainly true that life presents many difficulties, and undeniable the pain and suffering they often cause, to blame others as the reason for one’s unhappiness is to cast oneself in the role of the victim. Chronic complaining and blaming over time undoubtedly leads to bitterness, resignation and an overall sense of powerlessness.

   Bottom line: Often, those who are the target of your blame have little idea (or could care less) about how you really feel. You only hurt yourself by being a prisoner of your own bitterness and resentment. Your feelings may be justified, but they will not help you become a happier person. Instead, stop finger pointing and justifying and begin looking at your self as the source of your problems and challenges. It may take time for some but for many, they already know what they need to do to remedy the situation.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “5 Ways You Are Holding Yourself Back From Success” http://bit.ly/1Lq05Ec

7. THE ABILITY TO FORGIVE YOURSELF
   It’s a known fact that all of us (including myself) make mistakes in life. That is however not a bad thing as long as you are willing to learn from them. When you look back at your past deeds, perhaps there were decisions and actions you regret – that’s okay. There may have been unfortunate errors in judgment that could have caused harm to yourself and/or others. It’s a slippery slope and quite easy to label yourself as “bad” or “flawed” and wallow in a pity party.

   Bottom line: Mistakes are a big part of life so the sooner you embrace them the better off you will be and the sooner the pity party will be over. Instead, practice being compassionate with yourself, knowing that now that you’re more aware, you have a chance to avoid repeating past mistakes, and to make a positive difference with yourself and others moving forward.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “10 Lies Successful People Don’t Believe” http://bit.ly/1O032MA
   

8. THE FEAR OF FAILURE & MAKING MISTAKES
   The fear of failure and making mistakes are often associated with striving for perfect or perfectionism. You may think that you’re not good enough in some ways, thereby placing tremendous pressure on yourself to succeed.

   Bottom line: While setting high standards can serve as an effective motivational tool, expecting yourself to be perfect takes the joy out of life, and can actually limit your greatest potential for success. Instead, strive for excellence over perfection and begin collecting evidence of your ability to follow through and succeed.

   For more on this topic, see my Pulse Article “25 Reasons You Should Never Give Up On Yourself” http://bit.ly/1MhbdRT

Final Thoughts:
To be clear, none of us are perfect and we’re all gong to experience rough days and challenges along life’s journey. The real difference between a happy and unhappy life ultimately comes down to how often and how long you choose to stay there and the willingness to begin practicing new positive habits daily to support your growth.